AITAH for telling my severely depressed brother I hope he kills himself?

So here’s the thing. My brother has been depressed for as long as I can remmeber. He’s on meds and sees a therapist but there’s still days where he’s really bad. I try to be there for him but honestly I don’t know how to help anymore. He’s always in this dark place and no matter what we do nothing seems to help. Sometimes he just shuts everyone out and we’re left waiting for him to come back.

A few days ago I found out my best friend took his own life. We were super close and it hit me hard. I couldn’t breath. I kept thinking about his last messages and wondering if I could’ve done more. I couldn’t stop thinking about how much pain he must’ve been in before he made that choice.

A few days after the funeral I overheard my brother talking to his friend on the phone. I didn’t mean to listen in but they were loud and I heard him talking badly about my best friend. At first, it was just him saying stuff about how “he was messed up” but then he said “maybe the world is better without a f#ggot like him.” That hit me like a ton of bricks. My blood went cold.

I couldn’t believe it. After everything that happened, how could he say something like that? My best friend, who had been struggling just like he was, took his life and my brother is saying stuff like that? I just felt like I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

I walked into the room and we immediately started arguing. I just wanted him to get how bad his words were. He wasn’t listening though, and I snapped. I told him, “I hope you kill yourself” it was harsh, I know.

There was a long silence. He stopped talking, and just stared at me. I couldn’t take it so I stormed out of the room. I felt mad but also guilty. I’m not even sure how to feel about it now.

I don’t really regret it though. I know it was harsh, but in that moment I wanted him to see how much his words hurt. I wanted him to understand the impact of what he said. But now things are worse. He’s pissed at me and I’m not sure if we’ll ever be able to go back to how we were.

My dad says I was “too harsh” and keeps lecturing me about how I should’ve handled it better. Honestly, I don’t think I could’ve. My mom doesn’t want to get involved. She’s just staying out of it, which I kind of wish she wouldn’t do. I feel alone in all of this.

Oh, and just to add some context, I’m 17 and my brother’s 22.

So AITAH?