Does anyone manage to survive in online communities with large numbers of people? Without upsetting them in the slightest? May I ask how, and please don't say just lurk.

I don't have the best history of online community interaction, and this comes with the problem that, in most places, I either have to lurk and not say anything or, realizing this is the only way to not get punished, just leave. If I try hard enough, whether to contribute or participate in whatever it is they are doing, I upset them in record time. Has anyone else experienced this? Does anyone know how to avoid this, aside from lurking?