How and where to ask for help?

I grew up witnessing lot of ugly fights between my parents. There are too many resentments about incidents that I cant let go of. Ive lost a lot in life due to my inability to speak to my parents or anyone about them

1) because i dont trust anyone emotionally anymore due to the past. I dont like being vulnerable or judged or pitied.

4) my parents just tolerate each other, if there were any love it would be evident. They had an arranged marriage and divorce is a taboo so they are just together for mutual convience i suppose. So nobody asks other about their day or what they feel like.

2) because i grew up in a culture where parents are akin to god, i feel guilty for all the resentment.

3) because despite all of the bad incidents i know that they are not bad people. They are good people and they tried their best to give me ecerything and for everything that i complain there are so many other people do dont even have 1/10th of what i do.

5) i have tried many times to write my life atory on reddit and get some help or support but everytime i start to type i get so upset aand triggered. I start to think what is the point of typing and puting so much effort into typing soni just dont.

6) i know i should talk to therapist but i dont have money and i dont know for sure if they mean what they say and say what they mean. I fear that they will just give me false reassurances to make feel better aka say what i want to hear but not mean it. I want the truth. I dont want therapy speak. I want to be able to trust you.

Any advice would be deeply appreciated.