Richard’s misogyny

I know Richard is sweet to Rory and genuinely loves her—and he even says he proud of Lorelai a few times—but the way he thinks of Emily really irks me.

He doesn’t really value Emily’s social and domestic labor that keeps his work/life success afloat. This issue is a big part of why they separate.

But even after R&E reconcile and renew their vows, during Rory’s 21st bday Richard proclaims that he doesn’t want Rory to have Emily’s life, which I find misogynistic. He says “Rory has more to do; more to be! I don’t want [Emily’s] life for her!”

It’s the whole phenomenon where some men don’t want their daughter to be like their wife because they want their daughter (in this case granddaughter) to be smarter and more independent than their wife.

They don’t want those qualities in their wife because then their entire lifestyle would collapse—a lifestyle managed by their wife or a woman they believe “only” exists to homemake, caretake, and serve thus precluding her from having “more to do” and “more to be.”

Doing those things is more than enough to do and be and if men don’t think so then they shouldn’t want the want the love of their life, their EQUAL partner and fellow human being doing something they deem so menial.

But men like Richard want and even need their wives to be beautiful social organizers and homemakers but all the while they don’t consider those things “significant” or “important.”

Devaluing your partner’s (thankless, unpaid) work and contribution to the marriage and society is hurtful and shows a basic lack of respect for them.

If a man wouldn’t want a certain life for his daughter, then he shouldn’t want that life for his wife. A mismatch between men’s desired qualities in a daughter and desired qualities in a wife always reveals misogyny. Simple as that. And if a man DOES want Emily’s life for his wife, at the very least he shouldn’t devalue it.

I know R&E are older (likely silent generation) and times were different when they were younger but as a woman who grew up in the 21st century, I can’t help but get annoyed with Richard.