My faith is crumbling so hard..

I've(18) been a Christian since birth, and I had a great GREAT relationship with Christ.. I prayed, read the Bible, heard from Him.. I saw Him as my dad.. The friend I never had, the only friend.. He even told me "I am the Lord your God, there is none beside Me"

Then a year or two later, I got into apologetics to "prove" to the world that Jesus is the ONLY truth.. and now? I'm on the brink of ending it because of how depressed I am..

So many different views of Jesus, so many 'myths', so many other world religions claiming to be old and predicted Christ, people telling me how Jesus was "a deception" or a God part of "their religion".. So many other claims.. So many things that are honestly making me cry..

Only person I want back is Jesus.. I've lost Him.. I'm shaking as I'm typing this, I'm.. hoping, reaching out.. that just maybe, I'll have solace from someone, because honestly I've lost myself.. and I've lost Him.. and even when I try and forget the stuff I read about.. My severe ocd just brings it back up.. It physically hurts my heart.. That I can't see Him as God anymore..

God I wish I can go back to being how I used to be.. in Christ Jesus.. I regret that day so much.. I wish I could just forget.. and trust Him.. only Him..

I cried so hard to Christ tonight.. I only want Him, and I only want the Bible.. I'm holding on by a literal thread that I know, I know deep down in my broken soul, that His word is the Bible, and because He said to me "I am the Vine, you are the branches".. I will always trust in Him, no matter what.. He is my God, and I am His son.

Jesus.. forgive me for abandoning the simplicity of You, and trying to live on my own wisdom..

I'm so sorry if this feels like a bait post, but I'm seriously asking for help.. Thank you

Grace, be with you all..

edit: I was born and raised Christian but never followed Christ passionately until I was 12.. sorry if my first statement came off wrong! my apologies!