My grandma just passed

She passed in her sleep, I hope it was peaceful. I hope she didn’t wake up and panic before she went. I’m estranged from my father at the moment and since three years ago, my grandpa and grandma died on my dads side before I got to see them or hug them or tell them I love them. I could’ve , but I was a coward. I was a coward and now two of the people I loved most in this world are gone. I wrote a letter to my grandma before she passed and I can only hope she read it. It’s a letter that will never get a reply. She’s gone

My mother is declining in health and my grandma on my moms side is doing awful. Any day now she could pass like my other grandma. My cat on my dads side is extremely elderly and could die any day. My cat on my moms side is old and on a decline.

I have no job, no friends, no life outside of my phone. I have absolutely nothing to live for and nothing to keep living for. I don’t have any aspirations. Everyone is dying around me. I’m so scared. Nothing feels real and all of this happened within three years. I don’t understand.