Doctors terrify me, doing my best to cope

EDIT: I'm asking for positive experiences, even if it's one or two sentences. Please do not use this post to share negative experiences.

I had a medical trauma in childhood. Since then the entire medical establishment triggers flashbacks and terror. I have done a tremendous amount of work in many types of therapy: medication, CBT, EMDR, neurotherapeutics, etc. But it's always hard, because doctors are people, and some people are bad people. Having had many gaslighting experiences with doctors over the years hasn't helped either.

Typically, I cope by being slightly dissociated, having PRN meds ready for afterward, and then by knowing that I'm going to basically crash after an appointment so I don't schedule anything for 1-2 days after. My husband will help me with phone calls and scheduling, because over the years I've discovered that's one place I haven't really made any progress. Answering the phone is sometimes impossible.

Calling their offices, communicating over mychart, checking in with the front desk, dealing with the nurses, all of it I have to work very hard to remain present and stay calm, all while trying to effectively communicate with my medical practitioners.

Whatever happened to me over the summer, I now have so many symptoms that since August I've been to urgent care 3 times, the ER twice, my GP's office (various MDs and PAs) probably 7 times, GYN department 3 times, pulmonary function testing, holter monitor, Cardiologist and later this week a Neurologist and more blood tests. So far I have no answers or treatment. I'm waiting for a surgery to fix one of the problems, but it got postponed after my breathing got worse. I'm waiting for a clearance from the cardiologist, but the testing is scheduled for January.

Anyway, this isn't fair for anyone. But I can't believe what I have to deal with just to get to an appointment and survive it. And then when I have insomnia, like right now, I just want to give up.

If you've ever had good experiences with your doctors, I'd love it if you could share a bit about it. I made the mistake of reading other bad doctor posts, and it's not helping.