It's been 14 years to the day

My mom passed away 14 years ago today from als. She was the only person to ever really care about me no matter what I did. Today is the anniversary of her death been weighing heavily on me so been drinking more then I already have which I didnt think I could do lol. I've been going through a lot of rough shit lately like most of us have but with this I can't take it. I had some plans on doing some stupid shit like getting back into pills or doing coke again but I don't think she would appreciate that it's 430 am my time almost just finished half a pint of whiskey. Sitting in a parking lot in my truck cause as most of you know been houseless for 2 years. I don't think she would be happy with what I've been doing but she would still love me I know that. It's hard losing people I've lost lot of my friends to overdoses and suicide and I've thought I should do the same. I made a promise to one of my friends to stay around for another year so I could be at her wedding but I don't know how much longer I'll truly be around. I had a realization of how crazy I am when even the suicide hotline hung up on me yesterday. Maybe I should seek help or maybe I should just keep drowning myself in whiskey lol. Chairs fuckers take a shot for my mom she was one of the best people who cared for everyone no matter what their flaws were.