blood. blood everywhere

sorry just wanted to tell someone who would kinda understand. i have been throwing up dark flaky blood for awhile but it started mixing with bright red. even when i haven’t ate in days. finally went to the hospital two nights ago for 8 hours. possible ulcer, need endoscopy & they gave me that special juice to help with withdrawals. guess what my dumbass did. went home got sleep woke up & continued drinking. now am continuing to throw up blood. i’m starting to think i don’t care about myself even when i have some people around me that truly do. but i’m selfish & i don’t care in a way. sounds horrible but it’s my mind. sorry, thanks for your time. chairs.