I Suck at Being A Dad

My wife and I just had our first kid a few days ago. We're entering day 4 from coming home from the hospital. We've had guests all day and LO is awake during the night and asleep during the day. I don't want to upset my wife as she's having a rough go of recovery so I volunteer every night to stay up with him. I haven't slept more than 8 hours since we got home. Last night I feel asleep holding him in the chair for an hour and a half. My wife then said she was worried about safety and that I might hurt myself or LO. I handle everything house and do LOs diapers and burping to lessen the strain on my wife. I'm now drinking pots of coffee at a time and taking caffeine pills. Tonight in the chair I had a cup of coffee in hand and while half falling asleep my hand gave out and the coffee went in the LOs lap. Her seems fine. The swaddle caught most of it and I had him undressed before anything bad happened. But it's just another strike while at bat. Diapers are terrible, he hoses me down almost every change.I try a cold wipe to get him started which works, but the change turns into a screaming kick boxing match. I have terrible fog brain, can't remember anything any more. I don't know how long I can do this. How is this supposed to get better? I guess in the sense that it can't possibly get worse. I just feel like I'm screwing this up at every possible turn and I just suck as a dad. Don't know what I'm looking for. Maybe tips or just to know that there's an end in sight