Confession: I love physical validation so so much

please don’t hate, I promise i’m a nice person or at least try to be. but i’m so obsessed with others thinking im beautiful or desiring me and even though I know im not ugly per se I always feel that way. I can’t/ don’t complain to my friends cuz they’ll just get annoyed but internally I do. and when I am hooking up with someoke it’s the greatest feeling in the world. even just seeing someone hard is like a thrill because it means they want me/my body and it genuinely just feels amazing. and even if it’s a problem part of me doesn’t wanna fix it / work on my self esteem because then it would take away the feeling I get in hookups where I feel beautiful

does anyone maybe relate at all?