Seeking advice for the upcoming holiday 2/14

Upcoming holiday 2/14

So as we have started the year, I am looking ahead a bit towards better preparing myself for the upcoming year of “firsts”. Thanksgiving was the first major holiday since passing the polygraph and doing the formal disclosure. I was woefully unprepared for that. I ended up with multiple panic attacks, uncontrollable crying, and no plan on how to deal with just the sheer grief I needed to let myself feel for healing. Christmas I at least knew would be bad. Still didn’t prepare as much as I needed to. Spent 5 hours crying and then napping. But was able to at least do some interaction with my family.

Valentine’s day is not a huge holiday for us. We generally get each other a little something. Some flowers for me normally. Make chocolate covered strawberries with the kids. Dinner as a family. Play a card game together.

My WP/SA acted out on 3 of the Valentine’s days of our marriage according to his timeline. It is a fact that literally makes my stomach churn. Knowing that he had such disrespect towards me to literally have unprotected sex with random people then go buy me flowers then come home and do the family stuff. Finally end the night with at the very least a bj for him or PIV sex with me.

I’m looking for ways through this ahead of time. Any advice on how you coped in a similar situation? Or even ways you were able to make the holiday uniquely yours again? Our MC has just been non specific about it. He tells us to focus on making things/dates/places uniquely ours again. For me, it’s hard to do that right now. The lovely PTSD brain has not recovered enough to even begin thinking about how to do that yet. WP/SA is doing the work and not shying away from it. He is taking full accountability of the addiction.

We have already decided flowers are a no go. We also will not go out for lunch this year as I am not sure how well I will able to control my emotions. Lunch time was also a time he generally would act out as well. I have not gone to lunch with him since before the first DDay back in 04/2024. So suggestions outside of those things would be appreciated if you have something to share?

I will also post in some of the similar groups as well.