Really enjoying my new Church, but I’m conflicted on the 2024 ruling on gay clergy. So sorry for the length but I needed to fully explain.

Please, do not take anything I say as marginalizing or minimizing the value, worth, or humanity of people of the LGBT community. I am genuinely conflicted and would like to engage with others to help me come to terms with this.

I was raised in a Southern Baptist Church. Hellfire and brimstone every Sunday. I grew up being taught and groomed to believe every other denomination of Christianity was wrong and it was my job to bring them to the church. Not just gay marriage, but interracial marriage was preached against. Leaders of the church actively preached that there were tiers to Christianity and the only way to live a pious life was to marry young, have children (measures to prevent pregnancy are sinful), work hard, tithe your 10%, love everyone— but at arms length. Don’t associate with other cultures, people who are gay, Catholics, etc. I was taught to expect the rapture to occur any moment and I should live in constant fear if I was not saved and baptized.

In my life, I had friends of different races, ethnicities, cultures, languages, friends who were coming to terms with their sexuality.

When my parents told me I had to quit being friends and seeing my friend at school who was a practicing Sikh made me question why I had to treat someone poorly because they were different.

At 18 I left the SB church and began my own study of scripture. Researching Greek and Latin language and translation, cultural and historic norms of the ancient near east.

I met my wife at 22, I’m now 29. She was raised in the UMC church with a female pastor. It was so different to me. She was determined that we explore our local Methodist churches together.

After months of visiting, I’ve found a local UMC that I love. I’ve read several books on Methodist doctrine and wrestled with the differences of what I was taught and what I was now experiencing.

I’ve come to respect the doctrine of the Methodist church. But I cannot reason myself into understanding if allowing LGBT clergy would be acceptable should I come face to face with Jesus. I’m well aware of Old Testament vs New Testament argument and translational issues in understanding homosexuality.

After much reading I’ve resolved to the fact that there is much that we simply cannot know. I’m inclined to believe homosexuality is a result of man’s sinful nature. But in no way disqualifies a person from receiving worth and value in God’s eyes. I am 100% on board with allowing membership in UMC for gay parishioners. None should be turned away from Jesus. I’ve also reasoned my way that based on my understanding marriage is necessary for anyone to fulfill themselves within the bounds of holy monogamy. Therefore, although many use the “nature” and what’s “natural” debate, gay marriage is preferable to sexual promiscuity the same as traditional marriage.

I have yet to reason with my emotion and mind into an LGBT member of the clergy being a leader of a flock. Since we cannot know Jesus’ thought on homosexual monogamy for certain, I am torn. I believe temptation is the result of many inherent sinfulness, and homosexuality is a result of sinfulness. Not with the individual but with humanity as a whole, we are sinful and man has afflictions we can only cure through faith. Want for alcohol, greed, lust, adultery, simply defaulting to hateful thought is all evidence of a fallen man. We are all seeking holy perfection that results in our mind and soul defaulting to love.

But if a clergy is gay, according to what I understand now, that is rooted in man’s sinful nature. And as a leader of a congregation we should seek for the leader to model and fulfill a life we should all wish to reproduce in our own lives. I can’t yet bring myself to fully accept that I would support a church leader that is living out sexual sin. Just as I would not support a pastor who is an adulterer that has not settled their sin with repentance and with their spouse.

Both instances are results of man’s sinfulness. I just don’t know my next steps in reasoning or reading that will help me understand if this is acceptable in the church’s

I believe scripture and the gospels should be the final determinant of what be believe and decisions we make socially. The Book of Discipline is not equal to scripture, so just because it has been amended is not evidence to me that it should be that way.

When scripture is not explicit I believe we should personally Interpret the actions of Christ to make our determinations.

Can anyone, please, help me understand in scripture or scripture inspired reading how to take my next steps? Or simply provide enlightenment to me in how you view gay clergy as a biblically supported Christ inspired possibility for church leadership?