Twin issues

Hi. I’m (35f) struggling with potty training my almost 3.5yr old boys. YES, 3.5. One of my sons (who are twins) has ASD level 2 and is non verbal. My other son is neurotypical. We wanted to do one and hopefully “monkey see, monkey do” would happen, but that was a bust. Incentives don’t work. we did the no pants in just underwear for 3 days. that didn’t work. you name it, i’ve tried it. I’ve been at this since they turned 3 in september. My only conclusion is we really want our son who can communicate to get potty trained first so his brother can take mental notes and go off what he’s doing. But again, no such luck. Annnnnny personal tid bits of info that worked for you would be helpful.

I’ve done the research. I’ve read the books. Maybe they really aren’t just ready. but the side eyes I get when i tell people my kids aren’t potty trained yet are starting to eat at my soul.