What Does It Mean To Be A Man?

My father is old school. He’s the very model of a “man’s man”. He’s 73 years old, married to my 73 year old mother for 47 years. So, when I ask my Dad for nuggets of wisdom on maintaining my own marriage, I can confidently say he's got some words. But since he's a Boomer, his marriage advice is the typical "happy wife happy life" mantra. Only he doesn't say that; the way he phrases it is along the lines of "if you don't listen to your wife, then you my friend have taken your last shit."

Let's just say I don't get relationship advice from him all that often. But when it comes to what it means to be a man? Well, my Dad definitely knows a thing or two.

The other day, he told me if he died tomorrow, there's one piece of wisdom he wants to stick more than anything: people really need to learn to control what comes out of their mouths.

The problem with our generation (I'm a millennial) and those that came after us is that there are wayyyyy too many people who love to talk, but don't know how to listen. And what's worse is they talk about things with such confidence when they themselves are so blatantly wrong that it's almost hilarious. And when those blatantly wrong talkers interact with other blatantly wrong talkers, they end up creating this echo chamber that inevitably becomes a podcast. Diabolical.

Sometimes they'll encounter an actual expert on these subjects, and you know what happens? Those talkers lose all respect. So now we've got a world full of people nobody respects outside their echo chambers, going shocked Pikachu face when they're lost in life and nobody wants to help them.

All of these internet tough guys absolutely love to spout nonsense about stoicism, and how we should all go back to the 50s and 60s, and as someone who literally grew up in that time, my Dad can confidently say that none of them would even survive the 60s. I probably wouldn't either if I'm being honest. Thems were some very brutal times.

Men would frequently go to work for 16 hours and not say a damn word. But they understood one another, and they understood their jobs and how their environment works. Nobody was bragging about their success or bitching about how they get no bitches. If you had a problem, you got to work - that's what our generation fails to understand. Yeah, we're better off than previous generations, but that deep work ethic, that ability to dig down and push through? That art of manhood should've survived those harsh times. Instead, it seems to be weakening.

But weak men create hard times, hard times create strong men, and strong men create good times, right?

Wrong. I'm serious. That fucking quote that armchair stoics loooooove to throw around is absolute bullshit. How do I know? Because the Nazis were really, really fucking strong. So fucking strong it took an entire world of cultures, militaries, countries, and honorable men to take them down. And the Nazis certainly didn't make good times.

You know who did make good times? A gay man from England who was chemically castrated and driven to suicide by an unyielding cruel society. That was where good times came from. Someone these "alpha male" types would dismiss as weak. But you know what Alan Turing had? Honor. And a 185 IQ. But most importantly he had honor, diligence, and a sense of duty because he knew if he didn't crack Enigma, the Allies could lose the war in Europe and we might all be speaking German now.

So I don't ever want to hear any more bullshit about stoicism and "weak men" and "men these days" or "modern women these days." Because you know who's actually capable of making good times? You are. Not by talking about it - by being about it.

Be the change you want to see. Be a leader in change. You hate the direction the world is going in? Then get smart. Get strong. Get to work. Lead by example. Actually do what you need to do in order to become the person you can be proud of, because the true definition of Hell is seeing your last day on Earth, and meeting the man you could have become.

As long as you draw breath, it's not too late.

And eat a salad, it's good for you!