Flirting sucks. Dating sucks. It all fucking sucks. Women suck. Men suck. Non-binaries suck. You suck. I suck. We all suck. That guy over there at the coffee shop with his non-connecting beard, skinny stature, cap worn backwards, sipping his soy latte while he writes his college thesis on Cultivating a Healthy Mind through Ethical Eating: An Empirical Investigation of the Mental Health Benefits Associated with Adopting a Vegan Lifestyle sucks. And he’s a chode.

The point is that humanity and everything about it sucks. That's the reality we're dealing with. But you know what? We're going to learn how to work with it. We're going to learn how to play the shitty hand we've been dealt.

If you've read anything I’ve ever written, then you already know my writing is primarily aimed at straight men looking for heterosexual, monogamous relationships with women. This is for the guys who have no hope - the world is fucked up, and your dating life is fucked up too. I'm here to help unfuck you.

Also, as the title said, this is mostly for introverts, ‘cause I’m an introvert. Come at me about the semantics, or your bullshit “WeLL AcTuAllYYyyYY” antics later.

(Note: Just to be clear, I'm not a licensed therapist, dating coach, or any kind of authority figure when it comes to this stuff. Hell, the only certifications I have are based on Targeting Analysis, Battle Damage Assessment, Collateral Damage Estimations, and a slew of other required qualifications to work with the BGM-109 Tomahawk Land Attack Missile, and that's probably not gonna help you get laid. In fact, it'll probably just get you blacklisted from the dating scene. So reader discretion is definitely advised here.)

Anyone who's even remotely aware of the 21^st century understands why women often find men to be creepy these days - it's because we've collectively forgotten the subtle art of flirting. Dating app culture has created a world where the only interaction men and women have is behind a screen, reduced to a few sentence prompts and some photos. The byproduct of this is that dating has become painfully superficial.

And anyone who's spent even a second in Manosphere circles knows all about the demands of these superficial women. There's this illusion that only the most beautiful people are "gatekeeping" love, leaving the average guy feeling completely left out. This dynamic is often referred to in terms of the Pareto principle, aka the "80-20 rule" - effectively creating what's known as a "Scarcity Mindset."

The problem is, the moment you as a man start to buy into this “Scarcity Mindset”, it creates intense anxiety that ends up rubbing off on your entire vibe. Women can just feel that nervous energy pouring off of you. Why? Because you've convinced yourself that every remotely attractive woman is already caught up in some orgy-style situation with all the "Chads" at the bar. And the ones who are average-looking or below are just desperately clawing to lock down a long-term relationship with one of those guys. So, what chance do you have of meeting women out in the real world?

Well, the first step to fixing this debilitating anxiety… Is to fucking stop that!

I'm dead serious about this - when you fail in your own head, you're going to fail everywhere else too. That's why I mean it when I say you need to literally sit down and remind yourself: there are over 1.04 billion people in the Americas alone. And in the Americas specifically, the gender split is pretty even - with slightly more women than men overall.

In fact, the United Nations estimates that as of 2023, women made up about 49.8% of the total population in Latin America and the Caribbean, and 50.5% of the population in Northern America (that's the US and Canada). And I imagine those numbers have probably only gone up a bit more since then.

The point is, there are plenty of women out there. Vast oceans of them, all waiting to be discovered. So get that "scarcity mindset" bullshit out of your head right the fuck now. You're not limited, my dude. You have abundance all around you.

Okay, so now that you've mentally grounded yourself in the reality of abundance (or you just read the previous sentence, sneered, and are just now hate-reading), it's time to take the first physical step. And I'm warning you, this one is going to involve some actual motor function. But I promise you, this is probably the single most important step you'll ever take in your entire life. Are you ready? Okay, take a deep breath, count to 3, and here it goes:

1. Use your phone hand to pick up your phone.
2. Unlock that motherfucker.
3. Now swipe over to the screen with all your dating apps
4. And this part is crucial - I need you to systematically delete and uninstall every. Fucking. Single. One. Of those apps.

If you're a guy who looks anything like me, then God rest your soul for even trying on those things in the first place. Dating apps are dead. Every second you spend swiping away is a second you're just wasting. In fact, you're not just wasting time - you're mentally damaging yourself in the process. Trying to find a date on those apps is the equivalent of sticking your hand on an active stovetop. The more you keep burning yourself, the less sympathy I'm going to have. You're inflicting this wound on yourself, plain and simple.

You know that the meme where the cyclist throws a stick in his wheel and proceeds to blame some external reason, person or group? That’s you - that's exactly what you look like trying to find a date on those dating apps. Don't be that guy.

And you know damn well why those apps don’t work. The majority of users on dating apps are men. And the majority of men are - let's face it - pretty generic-looking. Meanwhile, the women on these apps are only seeing your photos and a woefully short bio. They actually expect you to encapsulate the entire complexity and uniqueness of your personality, skills and worth into a few sentences. Which is just stupid as fuck.

Realistically, most women are just going to take one look at your height, your looks, and then go "Nah, nope, hell no! Yeah, he's cute I guess, but he's a Trump supporter, so hard pass." And you? You're probably just swiping right on damn near everyone, just hoping to get some matches. After 4 months of that, you might end up with like 3 matches - and then you have to figure out which one is an actual person, which one is just a chatbot, or which person is someone trying to get you to sign up for their OF or crypto scam.

That constant mental anguish and self-doubt is going to do serious damage to your self-esteem and overall sense of self-worth. I know, because that was my life for 4 fucking years before I finally met my wife.

I won’t trouble you with the details and statistics of how many women are just looking for validation brownies and how few of those matches actually go anywhere, or how the successful ones tend to live primarily on the Internet and humble brag about their successes on TikTok before deciding to open up a Reddit account to act as some type of makeshift influencer who has discovered Zen and unlocked the inner mechanisms of dating rather than admit they got fucking lucky and should just take the win and fuck off so the rest of us fucking losers can keep wallowing in our self-pity… Yeah fuck those assholes!

(See kids? I DO understand irony!)

Alright, so we've gotten you off those accursed dating apps. Now what? Well, now we take the next step that every washed-up Pickup Artist author will tell you to take - go outside, touch grass, and learn how to talk to women.

Now, I'm not going to insult your intelligence by telling you that anyone can just magically generate confidence, learn to handle rejection, and eventually grind their way up to the level of some PUA "pro" who looks like a garbage can that got face-fucked by a grease fire, yet still manages to pull LA's hottest models. Nah, bro, that shit ain't happening for you.

Also, PUAs are a scam. Don’t buy their shit.

Before we move on to the next step, I'm just going to level with you and get this point out there straight away: You are going to get rejected. It's 100% guaranteed. You will fail. And that's okay.

I know rejection stings - that stinging, heart-dropping sensation is all too familiar, I'm sure. But unlike the previous times you've failed, this time you're going to be prepared. You're going to go in there with the full expectation that it's not going to work out. And when you do that, you won't feel as anxious about approaching a woman, and it won't hurt as badly either. Because you went in there already expecting it. Also, you develop thick skin, and you’re gonna need it!

I know what a lot of you are probably thinking right now - "Jeez, dude, it's not like I haven't been striking out my whole life. I know what rejection feels like, jackass!" And I hear you. But do you truly understand the importance of being rejected?

Think about it this way: most people are not designed for each other. In fact, the number of people who would truly, fully vibe with you is very fucking small. We're all so fundamentally different that most people are just going to be turned off by you. But that's by design - the inner biology of humans is wired to seek out the mate that fits our specific qualifications best. It's like a puzzle piece - some pieces might fit in a lot of different slots, but very few are going to fit all of your slots perfectly.

Having that natural resistance to women who aren't the right fit for you is a good thing. Your perceived invisibility to most women? That's working in your favor, believe it or not. Because contrary to your desperation, you do not want to date someone who is incompatible. Full stop.

"But OP, what If I'm not compatible with ANYONE?"

Then look for a guide on how to be compatible with women. This is a guide on flirting; not solving your incompatibility issues.

So, what’s the next step? It’s very simple - stop what you're doing right now and go to Walmart. Seriously, trust me on this one. Go to your local Walmart and just take a good look around. Count how many couples you see, how many families with kids. And then ask yourself - how many of those men are Chads?

I'll bet you $1,000 (Not literally, assholes!) that every single time you walk into a Walmart, you'll see at least one family where the guy is short, fat, scruffy, bald, or some combination thereof. And sure, those women may not exactly be Victoria's Secret models, but they're certainly not ugly by any means… Well, not all of them. Again – it’s Walmart… But the point remains the same. Every time I go to the Commissary, which is just a military grocery store, I see families everywhere where the man looks exactly like a Reddit mod.

Why is that? Because this is the real world. This is what the world actually looks like, outside of the cherry-picked views on the internet. It's arbitrary, it's random, it's chaotic - and it's the world you and I inhabit. And you know what? One day, that man with the family could be you. Not a guarantee, but the possibility is absolutely there. And I really want that to give you some hope.

"But OP, women have it easier and they only want tall guys!"

We're not doing this. You want stats about height preferences? Go read a research paper. You want to complain about dating being easier for women? Start a blog. This is about learning to flirt without getting maced - not your dissertation on dating market economics.

Look around that Walmart again. See that short guy with the family? He's not submitting peer-reviewed studies about height discrimination - he's living his life. Which one do you want to be?

Now, to address another elephant in the room, I'll absolutely concede that you may feel women have become more superficial towards you. Those feelings are valid, and I don't want you thinking you don't have a right to feel pissed off about that. You do. But instead of spending that anger watching the same old videos of college girls talking about their body counts, why not channel that energy into your own self-development? Part of that grind includes getting out there, learning how to approach women, and talking to them.

Oh, and before we dive into that - there's one last crucial thing I need you to do: Stop. Watching. Porn. Today.

I know it sounds like one of those obvious "duh" moments, but there's a very good reason everyone and their dog is telling you that porn is bad for you. Rather than getting into the whole rationale, I'm just going to cut to the chase – You need to stop jerking off every day.

We need to refuel your testosterone levels. Higher T has been shown to increase feelings of dominance, assertiveness, and self-assurance in men. And that translates directly into more outward displays of confidence. I’m not telling you to go full “no-fap” I’m just asking you to give the little guy a fucking break. Let him breathe! I’d say give it 2 days.

Okay, let's recap the key steps so far:

1. Get off the dating apps.
2. Go people-watch at the store or library - see all the "non-Chad" guys with beautiful partners.
3. Stop watching porn, and go 2 days without masturbating.

Alriiiight, nearly 2,300 words! If you're still with me here, thank you for your patience - I know that was a lot, but I promise it was all necessary groundwork.

The part where I actually talk about flirting

“But OP, WHERE do we find these women to flirt with?”

Anywhere. Fucking. Anywhere.

At its essence, flirting is just having an engaging conversation.

I’m serious. That’s it. It’s talking. But with – like, you know – seeing if you’re romantically compatible.

In many ways, it can be considered a true art form. Effective flirting requires a nuanced understanding of social cues, emotional intelligence, and the ability to navigate interpersonal dynamics in a charming, captivating way.

In other words: HAVING A CONVERSATION!!!

The goal of flirting is to gauge someone's interest and build a fun, lighthearted connection. The key words here are "playful" and "lighthearted." This is not the time to get heavy-handed and start venting about your political views, your religion (unless you're at church - that's the only exception), your opinions on the military, foreign policy, or any other weighty real-world topics. It's basically small talk on steroids.

When you're flirting, you're trying to get to know the other person. As the man, your job is to create a comfortable, inviting atmosphere where the woman feels at ease opening up about herself. Your goal is to gather enough information to make a reasonable judgment about whether this is someone you want to pursue further.

The woman's job, on the other hand, is to decide if she wants to continue entertaining your advances, or if she needs to politely disengage if she's uninterested or already spoken for.

The problem is, both men and women tend to utterly suck at fulfilling these roles. That's why I stated earlier that humanity as a whole sucks. As a man, if you fail to read the cues and keep pushing when she's not feeling it, you're going to come across as creepy - and you might even get the cops called on you. And for the women out there, your job is to not be a complete and utter bitch when an unwanted guy approaches you.

Consider this the one and only time where I am directly giving advice to women in the same tone that I would give to men: I don’t give a fuck what your past looks like. Stop taking it out on strangers! Your trauma is not their fucking problem to deal with! Go to therapy!

Which leads to my next point: Men, you cannot control whether the woman finds you creepy or not. I know how easy it is to say shit like "the only difference between a normal man and a creep is how attractive women find him" and whether that's true or not, we're here to work with what we got; not bitch and get big sad over circumstances out of our control. Go cry about women finding you ugly somewhere else, you're here to improve yourself.

But also, at the risk of sounding like a hypocrite, I must add this little caveat: The reason women find you creepy is because you are, in fact, being really fucking creepy.

How do you find out if you’re being creepy? This is where flirting comes in. You can’t just walk up to a girl, say the one line a Pickup Artist gave you, and expect things to go perfectly. In fact, listening to advice from Pickup Artists is a direct gateway to getting maced. And getting the cops called on you. And getting maced by the cops when they arrive. And getting maced by the bear women would rather encounter in the woods.

The thing is, the West is a very low-trust society. That's why it's so crucial that you learn how to have a casual, engaging conversation with women. And it helps if you actually have some female friends, by the way. They’ll be more than happy to walk you through what signs to look for when flirting with women.

When I say flirting is about carrying on a conversation to gauge interest, I mean that literally. You want to start a casual, open-ended chat - feel out whether she's leaning in or trying to shut you down with one-word answers. If she seems cold, then bow out and leave it be.

A lot of times, women just don't want to talk, period. Maybe she's got a boyfriend, maybe she's naturally cautious around strange men. Your best bet is to recognize that hint and respectfully disengage. The reason guys get labeled as creeps is because they refuse to take the fucking hint.

That's why reading those social cues is so important - it's what makes flirting an art form. Pay attention to whether she's making eye contact, if she's turning her body away from you, if her answers are clipped and unengaged. If you see those signs, take the fucking hint and bail. It’s not creepy that you tried; it’s creepy that you kept trying with someone who isn’t into you.

The flip side about women that I have personally learned during my time in Hawaii and Japan and The Philippines is that you will know if a woman is in to you. No matter how socially fucking stupid you are, there are certain signals women have a way of cranking up to 11 when she really wants to give you her number. I swear I practically had to beat my wife off with a stick because her cues were so fucking obvious.

I remember back in Hawaii a friend of mine, let’s call her V, showed up to my birthday party, walked into my room while I was recording music with someone, sat on my bed, and kept saying “Man I’m really drunk” and smiling. And my dumbass brain just thought “Cool, me too!” and went back to recording with my buddy. After he was gone, V was still there, on my bed, smiling. And I asked her what she was up to, and she literally says “Feeling the buzz, kind of down for anything. By the way, your bed is really soft”

And after about 5 fucking minutes of this back and forth hinting, I just look at her and say “Man, with the way you’re sitting on my bed, I would think you’re trying to smash or something” and her response: “Well, why not?”

It was a good night.

The key message of that story isn't to humble brag - it's to illustrate just how fucking direct women can be when they're genuinely interested in getting to know you. If she likes you, she's going to keep that conversation flowing. If she's just being nice and polite, she'll keep talking, but she's not going to be dropping any subtle hints about wanting to get to know you better.

That's where reading the subtext and her reactions becomes so important. Is she playing with her hair? Biting her lip? Is she teasing you? Is she brushing your arm? Is she being playful? Is she mirroring your body language? Is her eye contact prolonged? If yes, then it's safe to keep the conversation going.

But the most painfully obvious sign of all? When she's laughing at practically every dumb fucking joke that comes out of your mouth. To you it might just seem silly, but to her, it's downright cute.

The takeaway here is that when a woman is into you, you'll know it. The signals won't be subtle at all. It's not like the Pickup Artist bullshit - she's not going to be leaving you guessing. Women who do that are toxic – stay away from them. She's going to make it crystal clear, that she's interested in continuing to engage with you.

Think of flirting like playing a game of catch. You walk up to her, ball in hand, and you gently toss it out to her. Now, she's got a choice - she can either drop the ball and go back to what she was doing, or she can toss it back to you. If she tosses it back, then you'll know she's open to continuing this little back-and-forth. This is how you read her signals.

From there, the goal is to create a bit more distance between you. Back up a few steps and then throw the ball a little harder. If she catches it and fires it back, then congratulations - you two are officially playing a game of catch. And this "game" is what we call “a conversation”.

As you keep tossing the ball back and forth, gradually increasing the distance and the intensity of your throws, you're learning more about each other. Her interests, her hobbies, her job, her school - all of that gets woven into the flow of the game. Ideally, she'll even start backing up further, giving you a chance to really wind up and let the ball fly. This means she now wants to know more about you. This is a good thing. The more space between you, the harder you can throw, and the more you can both lean into that playful energy.

The key is reading her responses and reactions at every step. If she keeps engaged, keeps throwing it back, then you can safely assume she's enjoying the game.

However, if she decides at any point that she's had enough, then you take the victory of having a nice conversation and you fuck right off. If she's not interested in playing catch, you don't go and throw the ball at her face, you fucking psychopath - you just leave her be.

At the start, you're going to want to keep your tosses nice and gentle, as this is how you establish the parameters for this game. If she gently tosses the ball back, and seems ready for you to throw it again, you don't wind up and chuck a fastball straight at her face. That would be coming on way too strong.

The smart play is to slowly build up the distance between you, gradually increasing the intensity of your throws. That way, you can gradually get a little bolder and more playful, but only if she's clearly signaling that she's into continuing this game of catch with you.

Eventually, you two will end up on opposite sides of the room, unable to keep this game of catch going. At that point, you can offer to take things back to your place - after all, there's even more room there to really let the ball fly. She'll either take you up on that offer, and you two can continue your game at your place (or hers, whatever works), or she'll politely let you know she has to get going, but she had a great time and wants to pick it up again another time. That's when you get her contact info - her number, her IG, her Snap, whatever.

Forgive me for being old, but I don’t know which social media is the “you’re in!” one. Someone please let me know in the comments.

Oh, and just a quick heads up - if she offers you her OF, you can pretty much assume you just got played, my guy. Take the L and move on.

But there's also a chance that in the middle of your game of catch, she gets so into it that she just stops everything and invites you back to her place. In that case, the ball's in your court - you get to decide if this is just a casual hookup situation, or if you want to pursue something more serious. If you're at a bar or club, it's probably leaning more towards a one-night stand. Just make sure you wear a glove for the next game of catch, have a good time, and then figure out what happens next.

Now, if you're playing this game of catch with a woman in a more neutral setting - like the library, the mall, a concert, or somewhere that's not strictly designed for people to get drunk - there's a higher chance that it could lead to you getting her contact info so you can arrange another game down the line. Who knows, maybe she's genuinely enjoying your company and would be open to being your permanent catch partner? It's certainly worth a shot.

At the end of the day, that's what flirting is all about - being playful, lighthearted, carrying on an engaging conversation, and finding common interests to bond over. You want to use your body language, tone of voice, and subtle cues to signal your attraction, all while carefully observing her responses to gauge if she seems receptive and interested.

And as you start to feel that mutual chemistry building, you can slowly escalate things - like offering more direct compliments or gentle physical touch - to test her comfort level. The goal is to create a fun, positive interaction where you both feel that sense of shared interest and attraction. It allows you to explore the potential for a romantic connection in a low-pressure way.

But the most important thing, above all else, is to remain respectful. Read her signals carefully, and be willing to stop immediately if she ever seems uncomfortable or disengaged at any point. Successful flirting is all about enthusiastic consent from both parties.

TL;DR: here are the no-shit qualities of actual flirting:

• Subtlety and Playfulness - Good flirting is subtle, lighthearted, and playful, not some overt, aggressive bullshit. It's about finding the right balance of banter, compliments, and gentle teasing.
• Reading and Responding to Cues - You've gotta be adept at reading the other person's body language, facial expressions, and responses. Adjust accordingly.
• Confidence and Charisma – Yes, I know a good majority of you suck at this. Remember: It’s all about delivery
• Creativity and Originality - The best flirting involves a spark of creativity, whether that's clever wordplay, spontaneous gestures, or unique date ideas. Stand out from the generic crap.
• Adaptability - Adjust your approach based on the situation and the other person's personality. What works for one woman might fall flat with another. In other news: people are unique.

Look, flirting is an art form that takes practice, self-awareness, and the willingness to step outside your comfort zone. But when you nail it, it is super cathartic, and a rewarding way to forge genuine connections and explore some romantic possibilities.

So here's what I want you to do - get the fuck off Reddit, get away from your computer. This weekend, go somewhere public - the park, the mall, wherever - and just start talking to people. The more you practice, the easier it's going to get. I promise you that.

This knowledge is free. Take it or leave it. I highly recommend you take this knowledge, put it into practice, and do something positive with it. The world needs more real human connection, not less.

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EDIT: For those saying "TL;DR" or using ChatGPT to summarize a 15 minute read - You're right, I should have made this shorter. After all, everybody knows women respect men with short attention spans. And hey, since we're on the topic of hand-holding, I hear dating apps now have AI concierges who will do all of the work for you! Hurray for the future!

But for real guys, real progress takes time, and requires a lot of focus and work. You can't just use AI to generate a workout plan to get six-pack abs in 5 minutes. If you won't even read detailed instructions on how to improve yourself, how can you be expected to put in the mountain of work required to maintain a relationship?

I genuinely wish all of you well on your journey. Let me know if you're struggling with any specific details and maybe we can talk.