Therapist reluctant in giving a Diagnosis

After a total of 5 years in therapy and one year in psychodrama group therapy I finally realised 1) that my childhood wasn't as happy as I imagined and later 2) that I had to have something more than depression or anxiety. I finally gained the courage to ask my therapist what is my real diagnosis, she was always very reluctant to answer me.

I think I suffered emotional neglect and what I suspect was some psychological abuse in my childhood (like my mother threatening multiple times to kill herself because she couldn't stand me anymore when I was very little) and this probably led to having depression when I was 13 until recently when I stopped taking meds for it.

Me and my boyfriend found out about AvPD and it just describes me and my past and present experience perfectly but when I asked my therapist she wasn't familiar with this disorder. She only told me I had a what she called a Depressive "nucleum" or "core" and an Obsessive Compulsive "core". She couldn't straightforwardly tell me if I had a disorder and she didn't know about Avoidant Personality Disorder.

I ruminate a lot and have intrusive thoughts (even about suicide) and constant doubt but I don't have compulsions that I know of so I never really thought about having OCD. Maybe I don't really fit anything.

I'm just so confused, I feel a bit invalidated as if my pain for all these years (I'm 32 years old) is just a few personality traits that gave me depression and make me feel totally hopeless and worthless a lot to the time. Does anyone have any experience like this or are you familiar with this depressive or ocd "cores"? Do you have any advice? I feel like it's very important for me to know my diagnosis.

Sorry for the long post.