New Balance Patch I’m Releasing Tomorrow

I am the new Janitor for this game, and I must say, the Car is in dire need of buffs, therefore, as the new Acting Janitor of this game, I plan to announce my balance patch will release tomorrow. It will contain the following: Grapple - 20 minute grapple cooldown

Smart Pistol - Smart Pistol range increased by 5000% - Lock on time reduced to 0.0000000000001 picoseconds

Car - Rate of fire increased to 50000rpm - magazine size increased to 500,000,000 - given smart pistol properties - damage increased by 69,420% - added tires to model

Spitfire - spits fire now • fire actively seeks out nearby enemies • fire is instant death

Mobility - removed wall running - removed jump kits - removed jumping - removed legs

Titans - added BT - 7274 to multiplayer - added TF1 titans - added ability to customize titan abilities and weapons - Removed all Titans from multiplayer including those introduced this patch

MRVNs - added MRVS to all multiplayer maps - made them hostile to everything - gave the 8 arms all armed with Smart Cars - Killed the MRVN in MRVN faction

Campaign - replaced by bread

Servers - automatic DDOS simulations to help discourage sweats from playing

These are all going live tomorrow and you will like it because I said so.