poop is a liquid now. welcome to the future

something to fill in a gap of understanding you might have for me: I watch doomsday prep content every single day

let’s not beat around the bush. in fact I would rather not be beating outside in public at all

my retarded son is maybe 18 years old by now. probably off to uni to study ‘helplessness’

gaming callouts at the pub: really pretty non-binary is pushing your flank. throwing a smoke grenade (pint glass). fuck I’m blind. who blinded me

god….dayum………..

your cat is stupid and your boyfriend looks like Morrissey

the vibe I think I brought to pirate party vs the vibe I actually brought. both equally wicked in they own way

1 in 200 australians are born with a wasp nest somewhere inside them and a further 1 in 1000 are born with the wasp nest and a MCC membership

went down to the ringwood oval today for some pickup insect game. street rules. never played with a praying mantis before and I dont think anyone else had either. rain and wind too. tense and scrappy match in the mud

just sold my digital nappy for 0.000004 garlic coin on PoopHub

marvel is coca cola corporation and dc is pepsi so which super hero universe is like bundaberg

My “son” (xx chromsone) is a radical leftist. Keeps bringing up joseph biden at brekkie

I fully used to believe that white swans were like not real cos there would be illustrations of them in the stories my dad read to me about trolls and elves and other woodland creatures. Imagine my surprise visiting the northern hemisphere for the first time

even for those close to me I am mostly defined by my waifish frame and charming intellect

Eva brown??? U kidding me ??? Butt issues truly the great equaliser of man. Even Nazi princesses and fishdom moderators

periodic table..: need a tamponic chair

hey where the fuck is jylon?

Okay. Wank wank wank wank wank. Yep. Wank Wank and…. yep okay wank wank wank

History nerds be like: Umm actually Captain philips had a rock hard boner throughout the whole thing

captain philips is the story of the century. nothing as cool as that will happen unt 2300

Fishdom poker game results: Pretty Yam lost. Really fucking badly

teenage boys: I wish to kill a vegan. adult men: the hormonal rage of my youth could never have prepared me for how good Lord of the Fries tastes

havent had red meat in 7 days. my eyeballs are becoming oval shaped and filled with blood. I am losing my sense of touch. homeless people are camping on my front lawn. if I dont eat mammal flesh within 48 hours I will surely die

theyre gonna hate me for this